Red Lights in the Surf by Greg Mattson

Occurrence Date Unknown

Did you know that one weekday morning a “few” years ago at about 4 a.m. two synchronized bobbing red lights were observed in the low surf at the west end of the Ocean Front Parking Lot?  Had extraterrestrials landed as one of Newport’s local “well oiled” characters had reported?  After diligent investigation by a one-year “veteran,” it was discovered that the lights were the taillights of a 12-year-old Pontiac that had been driven into the surf.  Only the taillights could be seen bobbing up and down as the waves came in. On the low wall between the parking lot and the beach sat two very jovial, seemingly intoxicated 22 year old males who were very proud of themselves.  The satisfied owners of the vehicle in the surf told of the poor job options and surfing prospects on the East Coast.  On the spur of the moment, they decided 5 days ago to nurse their old car across country from New Jersey to the land of “good surf, cold beer, and fine women.”  Upon first reaching the Pacific Ocean, they celebrated at Blackies with…”I swear, Officer, just two beers!”  As a way to honor their faithful car for making it all the way across the country, they decided to give it a proper burial at sea.

How would you handle that situation?  Would you:

            (a)  Arrest and fill out a crime report for creating a marine navigation hazard?

            (b)  Issue a citation for driving on the beach?

            (c)  Issue a citation for littering on the beach?

            (d)  Arrest for 647(f)?

            (e)  Issue a citation for open container? or

            (f)  Would you impound and cite the vehicle for parking on the beach?

To complicate your decision further, the sergeant shows up and just stares and grins at you when you ask him how you should handle it.

Did you know that it used to be one of the jobs of a particular patrol officer to cut the Chief’s hair?